Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: A Hilarious Odyssey Through Bohemia's Absurdities
Every playthrough of Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 is a unique comedic masterpiece. It's not just the brutal realism and unforgiving medieval setting; it's the sheer, unexpected absurdity that unfolds at every turn. Below are some of the most ludicrous side quests I've encountered while exploring Bohemia. These tales are spoiler-free for the main story, focusing solely on the game's unpredictable charm.
Table of Contents:
- Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
- Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
- Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
- Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
- Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
- Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
The quaint town of Želejov, nestled in Bohemia's heart, boasts a bathhouse, fighting arena, and tavern. Here reside two indolent troubadours dreaming of Bohemian musical domination with their "epic" songs. Their problem? A lack of funds, an instrument, and any artistic direction.
Image: ensigame.com
Henry, ever the helpful protagonist, embarks on a series of increasingly bizarre tasks. He steals a lute (damaging his reputation), only for the musicians to snap its strings, requiring new ones made from sheep intestines. Further errands involve settling their debt with the innkeeper—a task they deem beneath their artistic genius.
Finally, equipped with instrument, freedom, and inspiration, the troubadours unleash their masterpiece: a mind-numbingly dull ballad glorifying Henry's mundane exploits. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.
Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
Remember those lute strings? They required crafting by Vojtěch, a local hunter. Vojtěch, however, is an alcoholic who'd encountered wolves and climbed a tree for safety. The rescue involves carrying him back to camp, saving his horse, and helping him sober up—leading to a loyal ally.
But what if you deliver him directly to the tavern? I did just that, hauling him through forests and swamps. His reaction? Displeasure, accusations of idiocy, and a refusal of further assistance. Our next meeting yielded only a grudging offer of a view from behind his shack.
Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
Image: ensigame.com
The Polovtsians, responsible for Henry's family's tragedy, are found causing trouble in a tavern. My initial rage led me to their camp, expecting vengeance. Instead, I found friendly individuals, engaging in matchmaking, excessive drinking, and a bizarre communal song.
Then, a talking dog interrupted, lecturing me on life's purpose and challenging me to swim a lake. The ensuing "Don't Drown!" quest was a hilarious, albeit successful, swim.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
Image: ensigame.com
By hour 30, I was a master thief. By hour 31, Bohemia's most wanted. A botched heist in a guard barracks, leaving behind incriminating evidence (flashy accessories and the smell of theft), led to a near arrest. The detail is astounding.
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
Image: ensigame.com
Stealing a horse and attempting to sell it to the sleeping gypsy horse trader, Mikolaj, resulted in a comical chase as the horse bolted home. Waiting for Mikolaj to wake, eat porridge, and finally complete his morning routine before the sale was a memorable experience.
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Image: ensigame.com
These are just glimpses into Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2's unique charm. Every decision, however small, has unpredictable consequences. The realism and immersion ensure each playthrough is unforgettable. Bohemia awaits!
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